Latest Tweets:
(via haleyjamesarchive)
A wealthy man is lying on his death bed, his lawyer at his side as he finalizes the man’s will. He looks it over one last time and asks the man, ‘Are you sure you want to keep this part about requiring your eldest son to marry before he can collect his inheritance?’ The man nods. ‘But sir, why? That will make things so complicated.’
The man grips the lawyer’s shirt and shakes him, and with his dying breath he exclaims, ‘For the fake married trope!’
(via spocklesbian)
(via civilwhore)
(via intensional)
(via patrik-star)
mosquitoes had the nerve…the audacity…the unmitigated gall…to come into my home…where i pay the bills…and suck the blood out of my veins…veins i’ve had for 22 years…
(via joshpeck)
Now I’m giggling and thinking of how each of the Avengers would deal with some creeper in a bar bothering a woman.
Steve would get right up in the dude’s face, at first trying to take the nice “leave the lady alone” route, but having NO problem getting physical if the guy doesn’t back off.
Bruce would calmly approach and invite her to come sit with him and the others until the creeper left.
Natasha wouldn’t even say anything. She would just walk up, slam the guy’s head down onto the bar once, and stare him down until he left.
Tony would stand right in the middle of the two and start talking the guy to death so the girl could make her escape.
Thor would pontificate about honor until the dude gives up.
Clint would start aggressively hitting on the guy. When the guy gets freaked out, he would shout “SEE HOW THAT FEELS?” at him.
This nailed all of their characters so well.
(via winter-is-ending)